It seems like forever

It seems like years since I posted last- but I want to start again. As the New Year creeps in I have LOTS of BIG changes for myself and my life planned… And I want to share it. I’ll be posting things I write in classes, or my thoughts, but I don’t think I’ll have much time for poetry! Let’s see where I go and what I do!

Thanks all for being here!




Poem for my Soul Sister

I’m very friendly

but not good at making friends.

The thought of you leaving?

I push it from my mind, again and again,

like the tides coming in and back out.

2 months, 3 weeks, 10 days, 6 days,

5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Blast off across 623 miles.

Blast of to new people and places

and classes and experiences and memories.

All of which I long for you to discover,

but I hope won’t swallow me up and leave me behind.

I refuse to cry until you’re gone.

It hasn’t always been easy,

two stubborn, independent, wild women,

attempting to hold each other on earth,

when clearly,

we are both floating.

But you understand me,

in ways I don’t even see.

I know you’ve been trying to be happy,

even though you’re not.

I will hold you through that.

I will hold you even when you are blasting off

623 miles from me.

-h.l.j. 08-15-13



Being Golden

Sometimes, it hits us – or me or you –

We are going to die.

But somehow, the word “someday”

slips after the phrase, whether out loud,

or in our minds.

That’s the point, is it not?

Someday is any day, someday could be today,

or tomorrow,

or the next.

You are going to fade away,

whether into heaven,

or hell,

or nothingness.

Terrifying? Yes.

Sickening? Yes.

Liberating? Absolutely.

Live the seconds as if they are years.

Live the minutes in constant gratitude.

Live the years as if every time is the golden times.

Let your heart soak up the light and love,

of the gold that spills from all around you…

In places,

in things,

in the people whom you love and who love you right back.

So that if someday is today,

or tomorrow,

or the next.

You will be golden,

and able to live among the stars.


I am so over the misogyny that I see and hear about every single day. Contrary to popular belief, what I wear actually has very little to do with what I think guys will think of it, and much more to do with if *I* like it or not. A celebrity goes outside *gasp* without make-up on!? How dare she, doesn’t she know that she has to be a glowing sex-object 24 hours a day? Sorry, my bad if I got a little angry at you cat calling me from across the parking lot, you’re right *I’m* the bitch here, where as your whistling and yelling is perfectly socially acceptable. Yes, I know perfectly well that not all guys are like this – but enough of them are to give the rest of the male population a really bad reputation! I am a girl, but more than that I’m a human being and I do NOT live to please you! EndRant/

Old Letters

Reading the old letters you wrote me

is like you’re standing in front of me,

tracing my rib cage, down my spine, into my soul.

I have been here before, devouring your words,

Your sweet words, to which I have never found a comparison.

I have been here before, but the emotion is different.

I am scared of this love, these words, my mistakes.

I see your love for me spilling forth in tidal waves,

full of love and desire, of respect and fear.

It is terrifying because nobody,

Not one lonely soul,

Has ever looked at me, touched me, kissed me, or held me…

The way that you write to me.

Once upon a time there was a girl, and she was happy.

And everyone said, “you’re going to grow up into a beautiful lady”

And the little girl laughed and ran away.

Once upon a time, there was a girl, and she was sad.

And everyone said, “you’re going to grow up into a beautiful lady”

And the little girl shrugged and went back to her books.

Once upon a time, when the little girls were not so little anymore,

they met in the real world, face to face.

And the happy girl said to the sad girl, “Aren’t you so happy that we’re going to grow up in to beautiful ladies?”

And the sad girl shook her head and said, “No”

So the happy girl took the sad girl’s hand and said, “Then we won’t ever grow up”

And the happy girl made the sad girl run away and laugh with her.

The happy girl loved the sad girl, and the sad girl loved the happy girl.

And when the sad girl was sad, the happy girl hugged her,

And when the happy girl was happy, it made the sad girl happy too.

And even on days where the happy girl was sad, the sad girl did her best to make them both smile.

And they were more than friends, they were sisters.

And now that the girl’s were growing up, even though they had promised not to,

they were very scared of losing each other.

So the happy girl took the sad girl’s hand, and instead of laughing, they took in deep breaths,

And instead of running they took steps.

And they walked into the future together,

Just a happy girl with sad days, and a sad girl with happy days.

And they would be alright,

In fact,

They would be fantastic.

I Am Bradley Manning.

Okay guys, time for another political relevant and emotionally charged post from me.

I am a nineteen year old, white female from Northern California. My life has been BLESSED is countless ways that people around the world and people around our own country will never know.

I believe in truth and fairness and justice.

Please watch this video, and if you don’t know about Bradley Manning, please continue to their website. Take a picture, tweet #IamBradleyManning, share this on your blog.

This is a young man, only 3 years older than I, that told the TRUTH. Under possibly penalty of death he stood in the truth, in the horror, in the actuality of the war in our world.

The public is not the enemy, and we deserve the truth even when it is violent and catastrophic and terrible. So that we can make informed choices. So we can create the RIGHT kind of change.

Please take time to look into this serious issue, I believe that the state of the Nation depends on it.

I’m moving away

The excitement of new people and places.

I’m moving away

The eagerness to get out of this town,

that suffocates,

that causes insanity,

that destroys my soul.

I’m moving away,

The fear of being all alone.

I’m moving away,

my desire to stay with you, my love, 

who holds me up,

who keeps me sane,

who creates a brighter world.

Who I will miss with the width and breadth of the universe.

I’ve achieved this level of opportunistic wishing in my life.

Every day I think of a new scenario that would make my world a better place to be.

Los Angeles, New York, London

Even Santa Barbara, Chico, or the capital of my state.

Each with a different plan,

to work, or play, or seek, or create.

Each with a different partner,

a lover, or a friend, or even myself.

To the point where I want EVERYTHING.

All of it.

Every city, every job, every creation, every partner.

And time is too short, and I need to make up my mind.

What do you do when you want everything, and are scared of all of it?

I don’t know either.

“If you want to…

“If you want to kill yourself, kill what you don’t like. I had an old self that I killed. You can kill yourself too, but that doesn’t mean you got to stop living.”

I know so many, many people,

who hate themselves, therefore their lives, therefore they want to die.

Now, I do not suffer depression, I do not pretend to understand it,

But I do understand change, and hope.

Change is the hardest thing for many of us,

“What do you MEAN I can’t live the exact same life that I did a year ago!?”

The world, the earth, the universe… It doesn’t work like that.

It’s always moving, growing, changing, living, and dying.

Change is beautiful. In my nineteen short years hear on Earth, 

I have lived, already, numerous, uncountable lives.

In regards to hope, as is my name so I believe I have thought about the meaning more than most.

Hope is like a spark, you can’t remember if you actually saw it there or not,

but if it’s cold in the winter, or your hungry for a warm meal,

You say “Yes, yes! I saw the spark! The flame will start any second!”

That is hope. Not just wishing for something, or praying for something,

but KNOWING, that someday soon, the spark will light a flame,

and all will be well.

With a love of change and the courage of hope I believe, truly,

that every single human being on Earth has the choice to be whatever, whoever, wherever, they want to be.

So kill yourself, kill all the parts of you that you despise, let yourself burn…

And then make room of change, for hope, for love and for life.

It is never too late to have hope, it is never too late to change.